when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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