is your mom at the bar?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
