Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
