North Korea, Best Korea!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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