DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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