I'm really into asian looking animals
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
