I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
