I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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