she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
