He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
