i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
