Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
