im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
