We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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