The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
