Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize