It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
