Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
