craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
