I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
