remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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