Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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