if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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