Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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