just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
