i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
