2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
