need another drink. this is the easiest way
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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