It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
