all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
