Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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