Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
