you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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