You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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