You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
