also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
