my mouth tastes like poor choices
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
