i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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