I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
