she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
