apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
