She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
