I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
