this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
