well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
