i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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