so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
