I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
