you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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