Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize