Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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