i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
