Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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