It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
