It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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