it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize