The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
