are you still at the devil's house?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
