We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
