I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
