Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
