you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
