wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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