Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize