Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
