Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize