theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
